fuzzy L0G1c

There once was a Fool who served Two Masters.  The First Master was highly critical of The Fool and his works.   The Critical Master would often speak ill of The Fool, never truly trusting The Fool or his motives.  The Critical Master always assumed the worst of The Fool.  The Second Master was very loving of The Fool.  The Caring Master would seek to praise The Fool whenever possible and encouraged The Fool reach for the stars.  The Caring Master always assumed the best of The Fool.  Having learned what he believed to be all he could from his Two Masters; The Fool set out to make his way in the world.

As the years passed The Fool and his Two Masters became very distant both in the world and their hearts. The Masters heard little of The Fool and The Fool’s mind only rarely drifted to the Two Masters.

One day a Sage came to the Two Masters.  The Sage had known The Fool well and witness of his works.  The Sage praised The Fool’s works and congratulated the Two Masters on their shaping of The Fool.  The Sage told the Two Masters The Fool represented them well in life.

The Critical Master laughed.  The Caring Master wept.

Lately I’ve been a little too introspective about the “Zen of Shane” – What really makes up who I am.  Along the way, I’ve been having a hard time really defining what I am.  No so much, what I enjoy, but Who I am.   I suppose there are many different ways of looking at the picture.  Yes, I’m a Dad, and a Husband.  Those are probably the two first things that come to mind.  But I don’t think I’m remarkable in either one of those categories.  And frankly those categories alone are unremarkable as well.  I’m an employee – and I think a good one – but again (and apparently) not all that remarkable in that category either.  I’m a friend – but only to those who can stand to be around me for long.  I know full well that when the phone rings, it’s not anyone who cares about me or wants to hang out with me, it’s either for Amber or someone who wants money from me.  Even in that, I’m unremarkable.  And maybe that’s just it.  The only constant throughout is that I’m unremarkable.  Not the best title to wear, but certainly not the worst.

I don’t know what it is about listening to Dark Side of the Moon which makes me want to blog.  I guess I should listen to it more (or less for those who are not exactly fans of my blog).  Regardless your opinion of my blog, it’s safe to say that I’m been missing in action lately.  There’s not doubt about it.  It all just seemed to snowball out of control really.  I’ve been incredibly busy at work.  I think I’ve taken less-than 4 days off since July and that’s including all the major holidays between then and now.  By the end of the day and on the weekends, I’ve just had no desire to get on my blog and be witty, strangely remarkable, semi-creepy or otherwise oddly interesting.  From there the Social Blogging Experiment hatched between Kim and I became more of a chore than a pleasure.  As I got further and further behind on questions, I wouldn’t allow myself to blog about “other stuff” until I got caught up.   But since I was so far behind, I never got caught up and just stopped blogging.  So, to my dear reader, rare friend or weirdo who accidently found my site while surfing for some sort of  ”fuzzy logical porn” (whatever that might be…)  I apologize.

But anyway – I’ve been very busy and very worn out.  It’s not so much the work, but the constant, near-endless “fire fighting”, politics and constant pressure to deliver.  I mean.. it’s nothing new.  I’ve been under serious pressure before.  I’ve dealt with more politics than I care to admit and I actually enjoy fighting “fires” at work.  But this has been a bit different.  Without going into detail, it’s been like I’ve been trying to sculpt Jello blindfolded.  (I’m blindfolded, not the Jello. That would just be silly.)  I suppose it will work, and it will work okay for a while.. but in the end it’s still Jello and it’s a constant battle to make sure it doesn’t giggle itself into goopy madness. ( Oh – and for those of you keeping score at home, that was, in-fact not the worst metaphor I’ve ever used on my blog.  Close! But no cigar.)  But as I was saying – this is nothing new to me.  What is new to me is the lack of a “light at the end of the tunnel”.  It’s wearing on me.  I’m not healthy, I’m snapping at my family and I’m letting it get me down.  It’ll all work out in the end, it’s just got me in a bad place right now. 

So to you my solitary reader, you my friend whom I’ve guilted into reading my blog and you the weirdo.  Don’t give up.  I’m still here.  

BTW – I just hit the guitar solo during “Money”.  Coincidentially, this post also sync’s up perfectly with the Wizard of Oz.  Just start reading after the 3rd Lion Roar.

An excellent question from Monica…

“Tell us about the very FIRST time you saw and/or talked to your current significant other.”(Monica)

Our first meeting is one of the memorable stories that Amber and I love to share.  While it’s not exactly the first time we’ve seen or met each other it’s the first time we really talked / flirted with each other. 

It was at a Colorguard competition at Springville High School, in Springville, Ut.  Amber was warming up / practicing her solo (for the upcoming solo competition later that day).  I was doing the same and we were essentially sharing the same area during warm-ups.  I noticed her and flirted a bit with her, but she was there with her overbearing knuckle-headed jock boyfriend.  He was doing all the typical dumbass jock stuff towards her.  Being rude, making fun of her and otherwise just being an asshole.  So much of an asshole that later that day when I got him away from her I had a conversation with him that went something like this.

Me: “You know, you have a very nice girlfriend”
Him: “Yeah”
Me: “You know you don’t treat her very well.  I’m surprised she stays with you.”
Him: “We’ve been going together forever, I’m not worried”
Me: “You know.  I really like your girlfriend.  I think I’ll just have to steal her from you.”
Him: “Yeah right”.  

Like taking candy from a baby.  

Sidenote – last we saw him he was VERY overweight, bent over a broken-down shitty car in a Walmart parking lot, trying to get it started.  Sometimes the universe just smiles on you.

This question comes from Amy…

“Out of the seven sins (Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride) which one is your favorite and which one (if different) are you most guilty of?  Same question with the seven virtues (Prudence, Justice, Restraint, Courage, Faith, Hope, Love).”(Amy)

I think the biggest challenge here is just picking one.  I mean really…  

Sins: 

• Favorite: Lust (sorry no further explanation forthcoming) 
• Most guilty of: Wrath.  I spend way too much time getting mad at people and situations.  Typically when I’m “wrathful” I often do and say stupid things.  Which I do frequently, so you know exactly how guilty I am. 

Virtues: 

• Favorite: Love (but of course! <insert stereotypical french laugh>)  But seriously, knowing that someone out there can actually put up with you, but moreso even love you, is quite amazing. 
• Most “guilty” of: Love.  I go out of my way every day to make sure my wife and kids know exactly how much I love them and how much they mean to me.  I also try to show my love to my friends by being helpful, friendly (ha!) and there for them when in need.

Wow – Where did 2008 go?  2008 seemed to zip by faster than most for me.  So where have I been lately and why haven’t i been blogging?  Well quite simply I’ve been crazy bananas nutso busy with work lately.  Working long hours and not takeing any time time off.  I’ve taken 3 days off since Thanksgiving.  They include Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day and New Years day.  Unfortunately that means I’ve got (even further) behind on PSS responses and haven’t been able to spout my typical nonsense on my seldom-traffic’d blog.  Hopefully there is now a light at the end of the tunnel, but it will take a few weeks to be sure.  

Anyhow, I think one of my biggest personal successs of 2008 has been the continuation and growth of the Project Say Something concept.  I appreciate everyone for pitching in (my fingers originally typed “bitching in” oddly enough) to the project and I hope to see it continue in 2009.  Of course in 2009 I will also continue to make and break promises about catching up and keeping up.  Woot! 

Welcome to the future! Now where’s my hovercar!?

This PSS theme comes from Lisa - and while this question has been asked in various ways in the past I’ll bite…

“If given the opportunity to relive your life, what would you change?

I previously answered this question – essentially saying it’s too risky to screw with the past – but instead of just bailing out on the question I’ll take a slightly different angle on it.  I’ll just highlight a few of the times in my life I’d like to relive – not change – just experience once again.

1. First meeting Amber – Telling her jerk of a then-boyfriend that I was going to steal her from him
2. Sledding on the mountain as a kid – dawn to dusk – with my friends.
3. That lovely period of time between meeting Amber and having kids.  I had a ton of money, little-to-no responsibility and a torrid love affair to boot.
4. Speaking of which… All those nights in the pool.  That night on the balcony in Orlando.  That night on the rock.  That time in my truck in the middle of winter.  That time on the island in the middle of the river in the mountains.
5. That time when Justin talked me out of breaking up with Amber.  We made “Amber’s” and “Hilary’s” out of pretzels while sitting around the campfire getting drunk on Dr. Pepper.  Thanks man.
6. All those times when sharing an office w/ Vic – when we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe and everyone in the office thought we were nuts.
7. The first time I held my daughter in my arms.
8. The first time I got Ashley to laugh.
9. That time when Ashley was 3 and called me “Shaner” like Amber did.  “Me love you too, Shaner.” was totally adorable.
10. Tonight – when I got home and Geo shouted “Daddy!” and did a little happy dance.

A while back Amy asked the set the PSS theme:

I’d have to say the closest thing would be a very boring and only semi-funny version of “Office Space” or “The Office”.  I make it a point not to blog about work – so that’s about as far as I’ll go.  I’m your typical corporate drone who’s a bit too much of a smartass for his own worth.

BTW, have you seen my Stapler?

I literally stumbled upon this will using stumblupon.com .  It totally cracked me up.  However it does capture my feelings about the election fairly well.