Project Say Something: My Worst Vacation Ever

This one is simple. NEW YORK CITY SUCKS!

Rather than try to write a narrative which goes on and on about how badly our 4 days in NYC went I’ll just post an itemized list of bad shit which happened to us in NYC.

1: Me + Wife + Wife’s Sister + Wife’s Sister’s Husband + 1 Kid + 2 Babies + 1 MiniVan + 8 Hour Drive = Hell on Earth

2: Incorrectly entered address in GPS lands us in one hell of a scary neighborhood in The Bronx….in the packed minivan.

3: Unscheduled tour of The Bronx lands us in Times Square during Thursday Afternoon rush hour….in the packed minivan.

4: Hotel sneakily “downgrades” us to tiny room. (2 tiny single beds crammed into a tiny room for 4 people) Charges us a fortune.

5: Hit forehead on sink whilst sitting down on toilet.

6: Late Winter storm blooms up out of nowhere during Tour of Statue of Liberty.

7: Standing in huge line for Ferrys in freezing rain for nearly an hour.

8: Over-loaded ferry in choppy water takes another hour to get back to shore

9: In-laws full of life and good humor. Bleh.

10: Tour bus ride back to hotel takes nearly 3 hours as the driver is unfamiliar with driving in NYC traffic. WTF!?

11: Tour bus operator glares and shakes head at us entire time because baby won’t stop crying. Well - get this fucking bus moving and maybe he’ll shut up.

12: I surrender my seat on bus to old lady. Surely this will turn our luck around! 3 hours on my feet. None of the other men on the bus are so eager to give up their seats.

13: Inlaws take later bus and arrive back at hotel in about 30 minutes. Damn them! No seriously.. Damn them!

14: Simple dinner at Olive Garden runs nearly $160 w/o drinks. How come even shitty food in NYC costs a fortune? WTF?!

15: In-laws under impression that I’m made of $$$ and happy to fund everything. Lucky me!

16: We sit in Hotel baby-sitting in-laws kids while they see a broadway show. They have a great time. We hate them.

17: Next night; our turn to see a show while they babysit. Our kid gets sick and becomes fountain of vomit. No broadway show for us.

18: NYC shutting down for incoming storm. Freezing rain / snow all day w/ 12 inches expected the next day (the day we are scheduled to leave)

19: We decide to leave “ahead of the storm.” An idea which will not be a featured entry in “Shane’s Big Book of Bright Ideas”

20: Hit storm face-first on the way home. 3 - 6 inches of snow on unplowed roads all the way home (12 hour white knuckle drive)

21: Kid continues to be fountain of vomit all the way home… in the packed minivan, w/ inlaws..

So is it all NYC’s fault? Maybe not, but that’s better than blaming myself.