fuzzy L0G1c

So – I’m feeling pretty low right no. Not sure why. I know I know. It’s the Holidays and people tend to get depressed around the Holidays. But I don’t think that’s the case. Ever since I had to start paying for my own Christmas, it’s true, I’ve grown to hate it. However I’ve come to terms with the fact that we will overspend, not really be happy with what we get and kick ourselves in January. Big whoops, same ride will come around next year. No this is different. It’s been building for a while now. I think it’s more like.. just not liking myself anymore. It’s becoming more and more clear why people don’t like me. Hell I don’t like me. I suppose it’s like designing and building a car which you are then forced to drive every day. It’s a good car, doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s an honest car doesn’t scam anyone. But you just hate it, and a lot of people look at the car and hate it too. And then you use that car to write shitty car-self-loathing analogies on some shitty blog in some shitty dark corner of the net which (understandably) no one bothers to visit. Shit!

I know.. “Do something about it!” you scream. “Go to school!, Workout! Go to Church! Get Involved with your Community.”

Well first – stop screaming at my blog, I can’t hear you. Secondly, I don’t want wanna. I don’t want to work on the car, I just want to… not hate my car so much.

“Drugs! That’s the answer!” No sorry, don’t do drugs. “No, prescription drugs!” Ahh yes… Got that covered, I think my car runs on them. Another reason to hate it.

“Shut the hell up and stop your whining!”

Okay – best advice yet.

So I’ve got to be driving to Ohio at 4AM so I’ll be Brief. “Other Kim” (I’m surprised she’s not complained that we are calling her that… yet) of Gilber-Eschler LLC asks me the question: Out of all the books you have read, what 3 where your favorite and why? (In purple too!)

My 3 Favorites are…

• Assassin’s Apprentice (1995)
• Royal Assassin (1996)
• Assassin’s Quest (1997)

All by the lovely and talented Robin Hobb. A brilliant lady living in the Seattle Area with whom I’ve had the opportunity to exchange several emails.  At first glance you might think these books are your typical sci-fi / dragons and monsters type books.  Or you might take from the title that they are about assassinations.  Strangely enough, while those elements exist these books are actually about love, devotion, truth and commitment.  Once read they will literally change your perception of the world around you.  In fact, I’ve given away 5+ copies of this book.  In every case, the person I gave the book to was very reluctant to read it.  However, once they started they couldn’t put them down until they read the whole trilogy and beyond.  These books are something very special.

…and she was right to do it!

Well.. I’ve been “Called Out” by Kim of www.Lostinplace.org for asking her the “Project Say Something” question of:

“As a working mother you have many roles to play throughout the day; Mom, Wife, Business Professional, Friend and just being yourself. Which of these roles is most important and which would you like to be most important?”

She accepted the challenge and posted her reply in the article:

Project Say Something!: Female Dichotomy

And in her reply she calls me out thusly:

” My first response? Why doesn’t anyone ever ask this question of a man? Seriously? You never hear, “As a working father, how do you balance the many roles you play?” Nobody cares if the man balances well. Nobody expects him to have a stellar performance in every single role all of the time. And yet, if a woman falters in even one of hers, maybe she can’t take it. But really, not even going the comparing route, the balancing act of the man just isn’t discussed. Is he expected to just take it and run with it, never evaluate it, never judge it, never want something different, never acknowledge it? I don’t understand that. So? I’m going to do it. Turn that table, ask that question. So Shane, for this week: As a working father, with all the roles you have to play – how do you balance them all and which is most important? And a step further – which one could use the most attention?”

Kim has stressed to me that she was not upset and there was no rancor in her reply. But I will leave that up to you, my devoted reader (s?)

I will start my reply (yes I’m getting to it already) by saying my question to Kim was not to throw her a curve ball or call into question her ability to balance work / family / self. (I guess that’s what a “Dichotomy” is, but I wouldn’t know as I was too busy looking up a the Rancor wikipedia link above to make a quick nonsensical nerd-pun) In fact! The reason behind the question was that I found her ability to manage work / life / family / self (at least what little I see of it) to be very impressive. And while yes, I did want to dig a bit deeper into “what makes Kim tick” (not ticked-off) than “what’s your favorite color” it was certainly not my intent to call her ability to balance these things into question. A quick look at Kim’s blog will show you how balanced she is. She is often spending time and doing things with her friends and family. She’s constantly taking her daughter to see and experience new things in the world. She’s impressive! I’d like to know how she does it. But… as to not dodge the question.

How do I balance these things? I don’t. Unfortunately I should spend more time with my wife, my family and my friends. I have a tendency to draw within myself and lock out as much external contact as is possible. I hate to go out. I don’t like crowds. Vacations are nightmares for me. I should be doing better at work. All these things sum up what’s out of whack.

Which could use the most attention? My kids. I should not allow them to adopt my comfortable habits of avoiding people, staying home and being reclusive. I know this is the case, but I have a hard time bringing myself to break out in that capacity. So there you go, Kim.

Next week I’ll ask you “If you were a tree what tree would you be?”

yes – I’ll dare to post against the rage for everyone to be “Green”. But is seems to me that it’s becoming more of a fad than a lasting trend. I also feel it’s somewhat short-sighted. It takes more energy to recycle a soda can than to make a new one. Hybred cars have large toxic batteries in them which require special disposal methodology. Paper-mills replace more wood than they take. It just seems like a bunch of tree-hugging, Hollywood-endorsed, Hippy BS. Want to make a change? Get China and Russia to adopt <any> real pollution controls. Build the 300 nuclear reactors needed to eliminate our reliance on coal for power. Stop being afraid of the boogy-man.

I’m reminded of my 7th grade science teacher who taught that by the year 2000 landfills would be so overfilled that we would have disposable diapers piling up in the streets. That we would not have any drinkable water supply and that the coastal cities would be flooded and what nuclear reactors we had would fail killing millions. Sound familiar?

It’s propaganda bullshit that’s being force-feed into the minds of our kids simply because it’s fad-hionable. Can we please get back to the facts? Flame away..

So as part of this week’s Project Say Something I have been asked to describe my dream job. <Gasp!> Could it be something beyond that of “Corporate Drone”? Do I dare to reach to more-and-more dizzying heights of the corporate ladder? Do I see myself as a Director? VP? Super VP? No.. If I no longer had to work and could simply do my “Dream Job” I would be a Mongolian BBQ chef. WTF? You ask, and Yes TF I reply. It’s my dream job, BBQ’ing up Mongolian taste sensations day-after-day for tips. Bliss. No responsibility, no need to “network” with anyone. No need to impress anyone but my customers. That and I really enjoy the whole concept of Mongolian BBQ. Sushi Chef would probably be a close second, but I’m really just a wuss-sushi eater. The more daring sushi typically grosses me out.

There it is. My dream job.

This one is simple. NEW YORK CITY SUCKS!

Rather than try to write a narrative which goes on and on about how badly our 4 days in NYC went I’ll just post an itemized list of bad shit which happened to us in NYC.

1: Me + Wife + Wife’s Sister + Wife’s Sister’s Husband + 1 Kid + 2 Babies + 1 MiniVan + 8 Hour Drive = Hell on Earth

2: Incorrectly entered address in GPS lands us in one hell of a scary neighborhood in The Bronx….in the packed minivan.

3: Unscheduled tour of The Bronx lands us in Times Square during Thursday Afternoon rush hour….in the packed minivan.

4: Hotel sneakily “downgrades” us to tiny room. (2 tiny single beds crammed into a tiny room for 4 people) Charges us a fortune.

5: Hit forehead on sink whilst sitting down on toilet.

6: Late Winter storm blooms up out of nowhere during Tour of Statue of Liberty.

7: Standing in huge line for Ferrys in freezing rain for nearly an hour.

8: Over-loaded ferry in choppy water takes another hour to get back to shore

9: In-laws full of life and good humor. Bleh.

10: Tour bus ride back to hotel takes nearly 3 hours as the driver is unfamiliar with driving in NYC traffic. WTF!?

11: Tour bus operator glares and shakes head at us entire time because baby won’t stop crying. Well – get this fucking bus moving and maybe he’ll shut up.

12: I surrender my seat on bus to old lady. Surely this will turn our luck around! 3 hours on my feet. None of the other men on the bus are so eager to give up their seats.

13: Inlaws take later bus and arrive back at hotel in about 30 minutes. Damn them! No seriously.. Damn them!

14: Simple dinner at Olive Garden runs nearly $160 w/o drinks. How come even shitty food in NYC costs a fortune? WTF?!

15: In-laws under impression that I’m made of $$$ and happy to fund everything. Lucky me!

16: We sit in Hotel baby-sitting in-laws kids while they see a broadway show. They have a great time. We hate them.

17: Next night; our turn to see a show while they babysit. Our kid gets sick and becomes fountain of vomit. No broadway show for us.

18: NYC shutting down for incoming storm. Freezing rain / snow all day w/ 12 inches expected the next day (the day we are scheduled to leave)

19: We decide to leave “ahead of the storm.” An idea which will not be a featured entry in “Shane’s Big Book of Bright Ideas”

20: Hit storm face-first on the way home. 3 – 6 inches of snow on unplowed roads all the way home (12 hour white knuckle drive)

21: Kid continues to be fountain of vomit all the way home… in the packed minivan, w/ inlaws..

So is it all NYC’s fault? Maybe not, but that’s better than blaming myself.